She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she peed on how many people?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
