Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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