I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
