Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
