What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
