I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
