"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Me too!
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
