Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
