I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize