you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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