She is in my trunk
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize