ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
