cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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