There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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