He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
