You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
