i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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