When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
