I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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