but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's never too late to be topless.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
