I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
