so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
