Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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