Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

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(218): View more from Minnesota

he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this

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(315): View more from New York

I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

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(816): View more from Missouri

I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.

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(513): View more from Ohio

So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...

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(406): View more from Montana

Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad

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(863): View more from Florida

Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first

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