From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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