My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
