i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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