I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
