so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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