i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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