alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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