So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
