is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
