Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
