Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
