I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
