his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
