well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
