I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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