I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
