do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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