You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
