He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
