my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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