Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize