I accidentally burped into my bong.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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