You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
