Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
