David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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