Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
