I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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