jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So much Jack, so little girl.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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