Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
