I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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