I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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