If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
