He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
