Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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