You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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