hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
