I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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