i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
