Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize