I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
