One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
