ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
