Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
