There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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