My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
there is puke in my bra ... again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
