Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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