I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this just has baby written all over it
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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