First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
