Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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