It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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