the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize