I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
