She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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