Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
