You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The Olympian is in my bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
