Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
