Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
