Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
