from now on my penis is your penis
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
