Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
