She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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