You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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