I just cut my nipple shaving
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
