I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i will never coherently bang her
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
