Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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