Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
