I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
