I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
