She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
