When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
