my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
