Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
