Only a mothe r could love this liver
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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