I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
