Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
