Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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