My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
