dude i'm inner monologue high
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
