Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
