If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
